Kate is our 8-year-old. She joined swim team this year because, as she puts it, she is “a fish”. She loves it so far.
I emailed her coach about getting her race results, and this is part of what he wrote back: “Kate is a joy to coach, she loves to do well, she loves to do things properly, she loves to lead, and to make it all better, she is always happy and pleasant to be around.” That’s what we hear from teachers, coaches, etc. We’re very proud of her for that. I’m writing this post in part just to brag about her for a little bit.
Partly, though, I’m writing this post because she’s decidedly NOT like this at home MOST of the time. If she’s getting her way, she’s fine. But of course she doesn’t get her way all the time. She has a very bad attitude when we practice piano. She says she’s horrible at it (she’s very good, actually), that she hates it, that I’m hard on her, that I expect her to be perfect. That’s hard to hear, because I don’t want her to feel we expect perfection. But to move on to the next song in piano, you do have to play the song you’re on without any mistakes, i.e. perfect! (Not really perfect, though, because I don’t insist on perfect technique on every single note, perfect rhythm, etc., but she doesn’t acknowledge that.)
We originally signed up for Suzuki piano lessons because we wanted to have a woman from our church as Kate’s piano teacher, and she happens to teach Suzuki. I think I’ve mentioned that before. It’s very demanding (of the parent), but I do like how well she can play music, scales, memorize pieces, do theory, etc. One quote of his is:
“The main concern for parents should be to bring up their children as noble human beings. That is sufficient. If this is not their greatest hope, in the end the child may take a road contrary to their expectations. Children can play very well. We must try to make them splendid in mind and heart also.”
The goal of this intensive program is not to produce a professional musician. It is for the student to play to the best of their abilities, while cultivating much more inside of them. For us, we wanted the kids to play piano. Now we see it (especially for Kate) as an area of emotional weakness for her. She really is a good piano player, but she doesn’t think so because it is hard for her. She doesn’t have to work hard at school; it just comes naturally to her. (She still doesn’t understand that.) So this is an area where I can sit down with her, one on one, and teach her how to deal with frustrations. Yes, this is hard. Yes, you want to quit. How are you going to handle that now? How are we going to reach the goal (of mastering a particular piece of music or scale)? If you get angry, does that help you play better? If you stay calm, does it?
Thus, piano is not only the hardest thing she does, but it’s also the hardest thing I have to do right now. I have wanted to quit! I’ve wondered lots of times if the time commitment is worth it. I think I have to remind myself that the results of it will not just be knowing how to read music and play the piano; it will be time spent together, and time spent teaching her how to handle the hard stuff in life.